A Breakup Letter

Dear Past, It’s Time For Us To Break Up

How many years have we had together? A lot I know. I have been so loyal to you; kept you around as a guide to use in my relationships, friendships, hell even the way that I have dealt with family members was based on you. I can’t take it anymore; I have given you too much of my peace of mind. Too much space in my head. You have caused me to relive the images of the bad experiences over and over… Remember when I met that nice guy, the one who brought me such thoughtful gifts, actually listened to me and wanted a future with me? Well, it was YOU in my head, reminding me of all the other users, liars and players that were nice at the beginning have scorned me. It was YOU who made me too afraid to open up my heart to love someone else completely.

I BECAME SO PARALYSED WITH FEAR OF REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I STOPPED LIVING AND BEGAN TO JUST…EXIST

Looked in the mirror the other day and I didn’t recognize my own image. You have completely consumed my sense of being. I was afraid to even try for that new career position because of you reminding of the last time I left my comfort zone and the rejection I felt when I was told I wasn’t qualified. Remember the time that I was a loner for 3 years because of the friend that turned out to be an enemy? I didn’t trust females for years because every time I met one that seemed to be genuine, you just HAD to remind me of the ones who weren’t. Also that time when I thought that I found the one?    I spent so many months running from him because of you that when I finally felt confident enough to face him, he was no longer interested.

You had me saying things aloud like “All men are the same” “No good men exist”, such a negative outlook.

You never ONCE reminded me of the red flags that I missed in the beginning with those men, OR reminded me to look within to see what I may have done to attract those men to me. Anything to help with my growth? Nope, just more insecurities and doubt. WELP ALL THAT IS OVER!  I can’t afford to listen to you anymore. Whatever time and energy I have given you….take it as a parting gift!

NO MORE TIME LIVING IN THE PAST, HOLDING ONTO MY MISTAKES

NO MORE BEATING MYSELF UP OVER THINGS THAT I CAN NOT CHANGE!

I will move forward in my thoughts AND in my actions. I’m claiming my future and all that is in it! Done wishing things could be different; praying for a change in my circumstance but too afraid to move and change it myself. I will stop allowing you and fear to control my life. I understand that I took some losses and failures and made many mistakes.

I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT THOSE MISTAKES WERE LEARNING LESSONS; INSTEAD OF DEPENDING ON YOU, I SHOULD’VE USED YOU TO REFLECT UPON.

Thank you for showing me the way. Everything about you was not in vain.

I know that everything will work out. It’s normal to have fear of being hurt once you’ve been hurt. It’s okay to fear failure once you’ve failed. It’s fine for me to regret my past as long as I am cautious and have a positive outlook on the future. Sorry but not sorry that our time now has to end.

I’m leaving you! I have a new date with Today and have made a commitment to my Future.

~Trice Reign